12 brothers. In Genesis 42 the painful past catches up to Joseph and his brothers. The famine had spread even to Canaan and Jacob sent 10 of his sons to Egypt to buy grain so they could survive. The dreams Joseph had while they were still living together (Genesis 37:6-9), were being played out in real time as his brothers bowed down to him with their faces to the ground. Imagine what that must have been like? The brothers are in a foreign country and bowing down to an official who held life and death in his hands. Now Joseph was the governor of the land, the person who sold grain to all its people. v. 6. He was dressed as an Egyptian and wore the mantle of authority. Their last memory of him was of a 17 year old stricken with fear as he was forcefully taken away by slave traders. I wonder what the expressions of his brothers were as they watched him cry out? Did they think of him through the intervening years? They were brothers!

Joseph recognized them. Think of all he had been through. His brothers did an awful thing to him. Now they are vulnerable in this place before this governor who is accusing them of being spies so he can test them. What kind of men are they now? I can only imagine their fear as Joseph and those attending him glared at the brothers. To be called spies in any age in any country is a frightening thing. But they replied, “Your servants were twelve brothers, the sons of one man, who lives in the land of Canaan. The youngest is now with our father, and one is no more.” They had lied to their father, Jacob, about what they had done to Joseph so many years ago, but they could not lie now. Joseph ordered them to prove their story and go back with grain and bring back to him the youngest brother. Simeon was bound and put into prison until they did what Joseph ordered. They were left with no choice but to obey.

I don’t know about you, but I would have dreaded every moment leaving Egypt not sure whether I would be allowed to safely cross into Canaan. And then, they had to tell their father what had happened and what was now required! Jacob was filled with dismay. As they were emptying their sacks, there in each man’s sack was his pouch of silver! When they and their father saw the money pouches, they were frightened. Their father Jacob said to them, “You have deprived me of my children. Joseph is no more and Simeon is no more, and now you want to take Benjamin. Everything is against me!”

Jacob refuses. He will not allow his youngest son, Benjamin, the only son left of his wife Rachel, to be taken from him. I can only imagine the despair on all sides and the prayer for deliverance.

Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, Lord your great mercy and love, for they are from old. Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good. Psalm 25:4-7. The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. Psalm 145:8-9.

When I am in distress from sins that seep up within me so effortlessly, when I worry about past sins that leave me feeling so unworthy, He reminds me He loves me. He knows what I’m made of and He loves me. We find it so hard to forgive ourselves; we find it so easy to condemn others and cause great harm. We live in that just as surely as Joseph and his brothers lived in the sorrows of their actions.

It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. 1 Corinthians 4:4-5.

Joseph tested his brothers and what was hidden was being brought to light. Everything in their hearts was already laid open before God. We live in a darkness we think is real. This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:5-10.

I am undone when I think of God’s love. He knows our hearts, all of it, and He loves us still. He is the only one who can heal our hearts and He longs to do that. He will. Every heart. Don’t ever be afraid to tell God what He already knows. He has already forgiven us. There is nothing to fear in His love. Take His hand and start the conversation your heart longs for. He is not an angry, powerful governor. He is your loving Father, your Savior, your Comforter. He’s the One who loves you.