I have been really struggling with this latest mass shooting of beautiful, young, innocent children. It feels my heart isn’t just bruised but bleeding. I can’t come to terms with people lamenting the tragedy for those children and how we can allow an 18 year-old to buy weapons and ammunition for war and decry his use of them. What comforts me is knowing that God was there with those children when they died. It’s in His arms they are now safe. I understand the terror they must have felt but it’s harder to understand the heart of the young man but I know just as surely that God was there with him, too, and not to destroy him but to heal him.

All of this kept swirling in my mind as I was trying to pray and He told me He is here with me and I realized He is hurting, too. He was there with those children and that young man and multiply that with all the violence, the pain humans have done throughout our history and my heart aches for the pain God feels. I didn’t consider that until I told Him I wasn’t sure I could be ready for the next awful event we humans do. My heart breaks for the sins we cannot and will not let go of. My heart breaks for the hurt we cause and receive.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5,6. My understanding fails me when things are too awful to understand. So I pray for His patience, His love, His comfort.

Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8.

I patiently trust in Him and I pour out my heart to Him…and I find that in crying with Him I find peace that only He can give. It helps me to comfort Him, because I know He, too, is hurting. Do we cry with each other when we are in pain? Let’s cry with Him and find comfort with Him.