One of the richest blessings in drawing close to God is His knowledge of me. Psalm 139 is rich with promise. You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

My husband and I have been married for over 46 years. You would think I know him very well…you would think I know myself even better. Yesterday as I was doing something routine and mundane, I remembered something from our first years of marriage. It wasn’t exactly a memory but a memory of a feeling and it wasn’t a generous feeling. I “felt” like I was right back in that perception. It felt off because we have grown over the years through ups and downs, good and bad, great and not so great. I took it to God immediately and asked for His help to understand.

I woke up during the night and realized He had shown me that I perceive my husband through a haze of my perceptions. Don’t we all do that? And those perceptions don’t always match up to what is real. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand – when I awake, I am still with you.

Our granddaughters were over with their Mom yesterday and that is always a treat and it’s also illuminating because they do the same thing…they view each other through a haze of their perceptions. To see them do it is easy to spot; to see that in myself takes God guiding me to a better way. Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of everlasting.

Being able to draw near to God is to be able to draw upon the love of the Creator of the Universe who knows my anxious thoughts and helps me. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

The darkness is why I go to Him. I will take this new understanding He has given and with His help I will strive to see not only my husband but everyone with different eyes. I can’t always trust my feelings and I would hazard neither can you. We see through a haze but the Lord knows us intimately and can help us see through the darkness to the wonderful light of His seeing.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. I can’t attain that understanding on my own but He loves me and will help me consider a truth that is too wonderful not to share. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. I am so grateful for His hand upon me guiding me and leading me to truths I could not find on my own. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! He shares that with me and He will share that with you…and His hand is gentle, His heart for you loving. Search me, God, and know my heart…and lead me in the way everlasting!